HOW TO LOVE LIKE THE GODS
In 1960, C S Lewis wrote a book called "The Four Loves" to explore the nature of love in its four guises as denoted by
the four Greek words for love, namely
Storge (or affection) - love for
family members;
Philia (or friendship) - love between friends;
Eros (or romance) - being in love; and
Agape (or charity) - unconditional love.
Only the last two, Eros and Agape may be applicable to a love relationship between an unrelated man and woman. Traditionally, Eros is thought to be the Greek concept of love and Agape the Christian form of love, though both concepts agree that love is not blind.
My contention is that we should move beyond the erotic form of love, and start embracing agapic love for our girlfriend, lover or wife.
Erotic love is characterized by 5 main features:
1. It is acquisitive in that it longs for the possession of the object of love.
2. It is a purely human form of love.
3. It is motivated by the perceived value of the object. We love someone because we value her. The underlying assumption is that it is impossible to love someone whom we value negatively, and should we realize that she does not have the value we thought she had, we would likely cease to love her!
4. It is a self-centered form of love in that the aim of loving someone is to secure our own happiness.
5. Our assessment of the worthiness of our love object can be modified or corrected over time and therefore there is a built-in inclination for erotic love to change.
In contrast,
agapic love also has 5, but different characteristics:
1. It is originally a divine form of love where only the Christian God is purportedly capable of providing such love.
2. It is spontaneous and unconditional.
3. It is not motivated by whatever prior value the object of your love possesses, but
it is the act of loving that person that bestows value on her. It's the reversal of erotic love in that we value someone because we love her. It creates value in the object of your love because the act of loving her makes her worthy of being loved.
4. It is unselfish because the objective is not to secure your own happiness but hers.
5. Since it is not subjected to change, it lasts forever.
I think agapic love is within the reach of human beings and, in fact, essential for a long-lasting and enduring love. As your lover ages, loses her beauty, her wits or even her mind and become a cranky and out-of-shape woman, it would not make you lose your love for you as it was not dependent on those qualities in the first place. So, be like the gods and love unconditionally!
