HOW TO FACE AND RESPOND TO CRITICISM

Let me confess right here that before writing this, I have not the faintest idea how to face and respond to criticism.  You can call it self-righteousness, pride or stubbornness, but in the past, I have always responded badly to criticism.  So, this is really partly my own self-therapy.

Reflex reactions

The following immediate reactions are normal:

(1)  Denial

(2)  Anger

(3)  Hurt

(4)  Defensiveness

(5)  Tendency to counter-attack

These constitute what I call the Disastrous Immediate Reaction (DIR).  It should be avoided at all costs because once the recipient of the criticism manifest the DIR, you can bet that from that moment on, no useful discussion can ensue.  All pretense to gentlemanly behavior will surely be thrown out of the window, and only an unhelpful battle of wills and pride will prevail.

So how should we proceed?

On receiving any criticism from anyone, I recommend the following steps:

Step 1: imagine you are kissing your girl now!

When you do that, it effectively suppresses the DIR (disastrous immediate reaction).  You can't get angry, you can't talk and you feel good.  That's exactly how you should behave when you first realize someone is criticizing you!

Step 2:  Listen to your critic as if he is the invigilator giving you instructions at the start of an important exam you are taking!

That way, you will concentrate and listen very carefully to what he has to say. You will not be thinking of how to conduct a counter-offensive but trying very hard to understand the substance of his message.

Step 3: After he finished, discuss with him his main points as if he is a doctor and you are his patient!  Make sure that he confirms your understanding of his feedback.

Ask for his suggestions where improvements can be made.  When you adopt such a positive attitude towards his criticisms, your critic is likely to soften his stand and may be less likely to criticize you in the future.

Step 4: Thank him sincerely as if a helpful bystander had helped you to your feet after you had a fall.

It'll be unwise to immediately tell him that you disagree with his feedback and suggestions.

Step 5:  After that person had left, imagine directing the same criticisms at yourself.

That way, you'll be forced to confront, analyze and evaluate the criticism by judging whether they are consistent with your fundamental beliefs and personal goals.

In conclusion

If you accept that you are not perfect, you must entertain the possibility that others may see something about you that you are not aware of.  You must appreciate that it took great courage, trust and caring from others to tell you what they really think about you or your actions.  The least you could do is to meet such frankness and sincerity by showing an equal degree of openness and humility.

So, when someone criticizes you in the future, just remember the kissing girl, the invigilator, the doctor, the helpful bystander and the self-critic.  They are really your good angels!