HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE
If one does an Internet search for the rules for a happy marriage, something like this will be found:
12 Rules For a Happy Marriage
1. Never be angry at the same time as your spouse.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. Yield to the wishes of the other if you can't think of a better reason for doing anything.
4. If you have to make a choice between making your self or your mate look good - choose your mate.
5. If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly.
6. Never bring up a mistake of the past.
7. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
8. Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your partner.
9. Never meet without an affectionate welcome.
10. Never go to bed mad.
11. When you made a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness.
12. Remember, it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking.
However, I find such a list distinctly unhelpful. A couple trying to conduct their marriage according to these commandments seems to be just following these rules without understanding at all what a happy marriage entails. Furthermore, most of the items in the list appear to teach us how to quarrel correctly rather than how not to quarrel in the first place!
So, I think the first key to a blissful marriage is to learn and acquire the essential elements of a healthy relationship. And the second key is to recognize and avoid the pitfalls that can lead to divorce.
FIRST KEY: MAINTAIN THE ESSENTIAL CHARACTERISTICS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE:
1. A perpetual romance. You should court each other continuously.
2. A sincere friendship. You should be courteous and kind to each other both in words and deeds. You should not try to dominate or bully, but to respect your partner as an equal. Remember to adopt a cheerful disposition towards him/her and care for his/her welfare.
3. An unguarded openness. Be ready to share everything and anything on your mind without fear of prejudice or of causing offense. On the receiving end, try not to take offense, but listen with understanding and empathy. Always communicate clearly and honestly. It helps if both parties have a good sense of humor.
4. A complete trust. Trust that your partner's love for you is real and he/she will never do anything to betray your love for him/her.
5. A common understanding. Be confident that you know what his/her preferences are and how he/she will react to events or circumstances.
6. A consistent love. Maintain a constant effort to enhance your partner's happiness.
SECOND KEY: AVOID THE PITFALLS OF AN UNHEALTHY MARRIAGE:
1. Beware of boredom. There is a danger that marital life can become routine and either party can become distracted with other potential love interests. We must make repeated efforts to rekindle our love spark.
2. Prevent dissatisfaction with your partner's character or behavior. Frequent and intense disagreements are the symptoms of such dissatisfaction. We should learn to accept our differences.
3. Know that a lack of empathy can lead to resentment. We should understand the frustrations of workplace pressures, the stress of parental duties, the physical demands of home maintenance and the essential obligations towards our in-laws as felt by either party; and help each other to overcome these challenges.
4. Be mindful that the cancer of distrust can lead to detachment and solitude within a marital relationship. Mutual suspicion is a sure killer of emotional intimacy. Take the step of unconditional trust in your partner and he/she will reciprocate.
5. We should be aware of our partner's expectations in the marriage. Ignorance or indifference towards your partner's unfulfilled expectations can lead to demoralizing disappointment. So, take the time to find out and fulfill your partner's expectations.
6. Preoccupation with work or children can result in neglect of your partner. In order not to take your partner's love for granted, make daily efforts to appreciate his/her love and seek ways to please him/her.
So, use the first key to open the treasure box of a blissful marriage; and use the second key to lock away the dungeon of divorce forever!
FIRST KEY: MAINTAIN THE ESSENTIAL CHARACTERISTICS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE:
1. A perpetual romance. You should court each other continuously.
2. A sincere friendship. You should be courteous and kind to each other both in words and deeds. You should not try to dominate or bully, but to respect your partner as an equal. Remember to adopt a cheerful disposition towards him/her and care for his/her welfare.
3. An unguarded openness. Be ready to share everything and anything on your mind without fear of prejudice or of causing offense. On the receiving end, try not to take offense, but listen with understanding and empathy. Always communicate clearly and honestly. It helps if both parties have a good sense of humor.
4. A complete trust. Trust that your partner's love for you is real and he/she will never do anything to betray your love for him/her.
5. A common understanding. Be confident that you know what his/her preferences are and how he/she will react to events or circumstances.
6. A consistent love. Maintain a constant effort to enhance your partner's happiness.
SECOND KEY: AVOID THE PITFALLS OF AN UNHEALTHY MARRIAGE:
1. Beware of boredom. There is a danger that marital life can become routine and either party can become distracted with other potential love interests. We must make repeated efforts to rekindle our love spark.
2. Prevent dissatisfaction with your partner's character or behavior. Frequent and intense disagreements are the symptoms of such dissatisfaction. We should learn to accept our differences.
3. Know that a lack of empathy can lead to resentment. We should understand the frustrations of workplace pressures, the stress of parental duties, the physical demands of home maintenance and the essential obligations towards our in-laws as felt by either party; and help each other to overcome these challenges.
4. Be mindful that the cancer of distrust can lead to detachment and solitude within a marital relationship. Mutual suspicion is a sure killer of emotional intimacy. Take the step of unconditional trust in your partner and he/she will reciprocate.
5. We should be aware of our partner's expectations in the marriage. Ignorance or indifference towards your partner's unfulfilled expectations can lead to demoralizing disappointment. So, take the time to find out and fulfill your partner's expectations.
6. Preoccupation with work or children can result in neglect of your partner. In order not to take your partner's love for granted, make daily efforts to appreciate his/her love and seek ways to please him/her.
So, use the first key to open the treasure box of a blissful marriage; and use the second key to lock away the dungeon of divorce forever!
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